I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
