like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
