I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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