I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
