I wish I could teleport
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
