when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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