I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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