I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm passing your future prison.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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