i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
