Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
