please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I FOUND THE LEGS
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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