you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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