And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's just like the Real World with babies
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
