We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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