I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
