Too much gin, very little bucket
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
