If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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