Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
