i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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