You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
