Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
