wakey wakey hands off snakey
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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