I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
