awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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