My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
