Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Randomize
