break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
