do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My vagina is officially offended.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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