life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
