All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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