I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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