Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
