but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
