shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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