Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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