apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
