he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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