I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
