So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
