This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
