I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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