his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
