Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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