all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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