so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
