tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
