i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
