Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
