well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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