If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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