Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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