While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
