i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
