I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
my poor anus
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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