I just saw a hot homeless man
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
