She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
