Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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