office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
