When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
